4:01 a.m. - 2003-09-23

it makes me so sad

and im going to whine and be sad that my baby's growing up for a little while and then im going to start looking forward to all the new things she's going to be doing soon

and the life she has ahead of her

and how wonderful and beautiful it will be

and how wonderful and beautiful she will always be

my stomach stuff is still fucking ridiculously bad

im having an ibp on friday at 8am which is like

they put in an iv and then put dye in it and look at my bladder and stuff

and then next tuesday i have a gall bladder ultrasound

my insomnia is pretty severe, i usually get about two hours of uninterrupted sleep a night, my dr finally prescribed some ambien for me but of course medicaid doesnt cover it so im buying it five pills at a time because i cant afford to pay fifty dollars for three weeks of good sleep

when i only get 225 dollars a month

like i bitch so much, i know

but really

my daughter is so wonderful and beautiful and makes Life Worth Living

my boyfriend is amazing and so full of love and this unbelievable neverending caring supporting protective takingcareofmeness

and kirk i dont know what i'd do without him i dont think ill find out, hes my number one dooder

so life is not

not so bad

not so bad sometimes at all